She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize