You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
nutella sex= disaster
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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