i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
