thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
