Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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