You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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