This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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