I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
