then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
