I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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