why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
