I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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