I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
