all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
