Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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