Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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