she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
