I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize