I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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