i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
