Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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