hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
