Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
