you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
