She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My pussy is not your playground.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
