Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
