I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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