You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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