I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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