I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
