i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
