So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
