i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
