eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
