I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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