I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
