She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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