people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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