his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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