When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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