I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
