im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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