i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
