I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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