Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
