and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
