well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
