life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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