And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
