i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Randomize
