I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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