K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
In America we eat man semen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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