dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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