I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
