I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
