I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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