if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
