My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
