ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
someone owes me an orgasm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
