if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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