i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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