If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
