i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
