I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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