I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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