To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
