Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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