I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
