Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
