cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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