Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
